A prime time, or not worth your time amazon 3 in 1 Vibrator?
By Carnal Queen
Over the years I’ve been asked many times for sex toy/Vibrator recommendations; sometimes from people who’ve tried something and not quite got on with it, sometimes from people looking for something quite specific, and occasionally from complete beginners who don’t own any toys and have no clue where to start. Each time I look at the brief, and try to steer them in the right direction towards something I think they’ll love. It’s fair to say, I’ve always had a handful of retailers or specific brands that I love and that I’ll recommend over and again. That absolutely hasn’t changed. They’re my favourite for a reason, and I’m happy to mention their products if I think they’ll fit the bill.
BUT, It would be naive to not notice that the world around us has changed quite a bit recently, and in these weird and difficult times, it’s likely that items such as sex toys, which are mostly considered as a luxury, will be out of some people’s reach. They’re expensive, there’s no point in denying it. The big brands often cost big bucks, and when people’s incomes have taken a battering because of Covid-19, not everyone will be able to splurge on orgasms. On the flip side of that coin, thanks to various lockdowns around the world, people have been spending more time at home, or more time with their partners than usual; and when you’re bored in the house, and you’re in the house bored … sex toys may seem all the more appealing.
Amazon ordinarily would never be a place I’d recommend to go and buy sex toys; but then Amazon would never normally be a place I’d go to buy bathroom cleaner or deodorant – but I did during lockdown, and they didn’t let me down. This got me thinking, with so many Prime members stuck indoors bored, it stood to reason that some were going to branch out and order some sexy supplies to fill their time (and their orifices). They trust the discreet delivery service; it’s quick, it’s free as a member and it’s convenient, and you have the choice of practically everything you can think of – it makes sense that there will have been people who dipped their toes in the world of sex toys for the very first time via Amazon.
I wanted to know what they were in for. I wanted to see what delights or horrors were waiting for anyone patient enough to sift through pages and pages of utter shite (their filter system is atrocious isn’t it?) to find something that looked half decent. Would they be pleasantly surprised or put off sex toys for life? There was only one way to find out; so with my sex toy celibate body – that oddly now feels like a beginner – I logged on, searched for a while and with one-click, I’d bought this cheerful looking pink thing. I instantly regretted it, but I’d committed to it now, it was happening.
Now, this body may have been a sex toy free zone for a while, but it always knew what it liked in a toy, and my hopes for some amazing Amazon-O’s were quite low. This vibrator cost me £16.99. The earth was not going to move for me, and I wasn’t going to end up in a creamy mess on the floor, lets be realistic; but I was going to approach it with an open mind and open legs, and see what this pink plaything could do.
- 3 speed clitoral suction
- 10 speed vibrator (3 constant & 7 pattern)
- 9 inches long
- 4.5 inch circumference at widest point
- Shapeable shaft
It arrived in an fully sealed box, with a charging cable, instruction manual and storage bag. The English was questionable, but lets face it, I knew what to do with it already, so I didn’t really need further guidance. I was impressed with the inclusion of a storage bag. I’ve had toys that cost four or five times what this did, which didn’t include a bag. It’s a little touch, but it was a pleasant surprise.
After charging I set about getting to know my new friend. I started out with the vibrator side – because I had to start somewhere – and I was genuinely shocked by how this thing performed. The vibrations have some depth to them that I really wasn’t expecting. They’re not fully deep and rumbly, but they’re not the buzzy, get-the-fuck-off-my-clit kind either. They were pleasurable and delivered everything I wanted them to. Repeat experiments have confirmed my initial conclusion – it’s not half bad! I like the little nubby bit, it feels good on my clit, and internally the body of the vibe feels filling enough to satisfy, without being a stretch. It’s not too noisy, and the vibrations are constant; they don’t feel like they’re washing in and out like cheap vibrators sometimes do. I’m not too keen on the bendable shaft, because I like to put pressure on a toy when I’m nearing orgasm and I find that this bends a little too easily, but I can work with it.
The suction end also delivered. The suction is consistent, and the three levels offer something for those who prefer more gentle stimulation, up to those who can take a more serious sucking. As with all toys like this, the suction is a bit on the noisy side, but this can be remedied by putting it in place against your body before you turn it on. Sure, it’s no Womanizer, but it feels freaking good and gets the job done without any fuss. The downside here is that the white tip is quite firm, and it can’t be removed or replaced with a different size; so this needs to fit your anatomy or you’re screwed. Honestly though, I feel that most women will be able to get this into a position that works well for them.
I wanted to dislike it. I wanted to tell you that I’ve been right all along, and that you should stick with higher end brands and retailers – and honestly, that’s still my advice, under normal circumstances. But we’re not in normal circumstances right now, and if you need to keep your sex toy escapades cheap and cheerful for the moment, you could do much worse than a toy like this. I genuinely can’t get my head around the fact that you get a double-ended toy, which you can use for clitoral suction, clit vibrations or as a vaginal vibrator for less than twenty quid. It’s THREE toys in one really. Even if you just used it to help you decide what kind of toy you might like, it’s £16.99 well spent in my opinion.
I hope that anyone who experimented with toys for the first time during lockdown found something they liked as much as I liked this little revelation. And I do hope that when money allows, they will be able to spread their wings and enjoy some of the amazing higher end toys that are out there to be had. Amazon will never be a place I’d suggest anyone does all of their sex toy shopping, but as long as you’re sensible with your expectations and you stick to body-safe materials, I can now totally see why it’s also not the worst place in the world for you to start your new adventures.
I wish my first sex toy had been like this one, believe me!
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