DP Fucking Machine Review
By Carnal Queen.
I was super chuffed to be one of the first to get my hands (and other parts) on the Diva DP Fucking Machine. It’s not officially released until Christmas 2016, but sexmachines.co.uk have been given the exclusive early release, so they sent this, along with two other machines, for us to test and review. Yes you read that correctly, three sex machines to review at the same time! I really love putting sex machine’s through their paces, and writing reviews for them, but they’re a lot of hard work. So much more time goes into them than just a straightforward vibrator, I’m not complaining though!
For me, it’s important to get to know the machine, because hands down, sex machines are the things I get most get asked about. I receive lengthy emails with questions about machine’s I’ve reviewed – because they’re an investment, and people want to know if they fit their requirements properly and if they can do x-y-z with them. I’m always happy to answer any of your questions, about sex machines or anything else, so keep em coming! Anyway, I’m rambling now …
The DP Fucking Machine is unsurprisingly, a double penetration sex machine. Clever use of a name there, huh? It’s kind of everything this machine is about, so if double penetration isn’t your thing, you might want to move on now. No bells and whistles here, just unashamed double hole-banging fun. When I first saw the machine, my initial thoughts were that it looked just like a double-shafted Motion Love machine. I was pretty hyped, cause that’s one of my favourite machines, but on getting to know the DP, I can tell you that actually, they’re not all that similar at all.
Sure, it’s the same quality Diva product, and they both have the same box-like outer construction, but that’s pretty much where the similarities start and end. The DP has no real options for a customised fuck. You get what you’re given, like it or not. I like it, actually, but this machine isn’t going to be for everyone. You can’t control the depth of thrust – which doesn’t bother me greatly, although it’s a nice option to have on some machines. The stroke length is a pleasing 4 inches. Now obviously, some people prefer more shallow penetration, and others like crazy cervix bashing/anal delving deep thrusts that make them see stars. I like a bit of everything if I’m honest, but I can see why Diva settled on a static 4 inches, because it will please most people. You can’t please all of the people, all of the time with the DP Fucking Machine.
Another reason I think they settled on a static 4-inch stroke length is because of the double penetration element. Both shaft rods penetrate to exactly the same depth, and that’s because of the design of the machine. They’re both connected to the motor, and as it turns, one shaft rod thrusts forward, and the other pulls back, so the rods reciprocate. This makes for a wonderful penetration experience, but more on that later …
Now lets talk about the angle of penetration … 90 degrees, nothing more, nothing less! Hard, relentless, horizontal fuckery is what you can expect to get with the DP Fucking Machine. I wonder if they opted to keep the angle static due to machine stability? I can imagine the reciprocating thrust rods from the motor could lead to a lively machine if you could angle it however you wished. As it is, the DP is a really solid, stable machine, which holds itself well, even on the higher speeds of up to 300 thrusts per minute!
So, you’ve read past not being able to adjust the height or thrust depth, and you’re still with me – that’s great! I know those things may be a deal breaker for some, but the DP still has a lot to offer, and something which none of my other sex machines can do too. Intrigued? Yeah, as I said, more on that later :-p
Accessories! Diva never seem to scrimp on what they provide you with, and the DP Fucking Machine accessories are no exception. Obviously you get the shaft rods, and the thrust speed control and power pack etc, but you also get a few bits that are different. Of the two dildos you receive with the DP, the ‘anal’ dong (stick it where you like, it’s not just for anal!) is SILICONE! I’ve no idea if the retail packaging states it’s silicone, because my pre-release machine didn’t come with packaging or instructions like yours will, but silicone it is. About time Diva! Sadly, the other is TPR, and if you know me, or my work, you’ll know that I don’t do TPR because it’s porous. Thankfully, you can get silicone vac-u-lock dildos, so there’s plenty of choice out there to be found. Seriously though sex machine manufacturers, listen up … scrap the porous shite and give us non-porous, easy to care for attachments please! Your machines are a considered purchase, which people want to last, so less of the stuff that’s gonna break down over time, and cause bacterial nasties to live in its surface. Okay? Rant over.
What was I saying? Oh yes, accessories. The Diva Wizards are a really fun, and mostly practical addition to the DP Fucking Machine. They’re essentially springs that sit at the end of your shaft rod before the vac-u-lock adaptor. They’re useful, because it means the machine hasn’t got to be 100% lined up to the orifice you want to fuck, for it to be penetrable. It means the dildo can be lifted or twisted a bit, to get it where it needs to be. Useful, eh? As I said, it is mostly. If you don’t heed my advice about silicone dildos, which are generally firmer than many types of TPR/TPE, you might find that the Wizards actually hinder you a bit. A super floppy dildo on a spring is going to be like trying to fuck yourself with a jelly stick … in fact, that might be exactly what you’re trying to do, if you’re using a yucky jelly dildo! I’m firm silicone all the way, so I actually like the little bit of movement the Wizards offer you, but if you like to get pounded by porous monstrosities, you have been warned. Oh, and pubes! Another issue that doesn’t concern me, but it might you – they’re big springs, so keep them away from hairy parts, or else OUCH! I’m sure you wanted to be epilated there … didn’t you?
You also get a pair of little love eggs included. I’m kind of on the fence about their addition if I’m honest. I think they’re a good idea, but they could’ve been executed better in my opinion. Firstly, you get two … why? You’re not going to use one vaginally whilst being fucked by the machine, and there’s no way in hell that I’d use one anally, because I’d have no faith that the cord would remain in the egg under pressure. And besides, it’s a DP machine, so again, that hole is being taken care of, you don’t need an egg there too. So that leaves the clit. Okay, that makes sense, and I guess you could use one to stimulate nipples or whatever, but yeah, it just seems a bit odd. There’s also a pretty hefty seam around the middle of the eggs, which means I wouldn’t want them to get too ‘fluidy’, cause it’s a bitch to clean. External, dry stimulation it is then! Two little buttons on the speed controller give them life, and they can be independently controlled, which is good. I guess I’m just disappointed that they’re buzzy little eggs … it’s a mains powered sex machine, surely a bit more power and rumble wouldn’t have been too hard to muster?
I’ve covered the good bits and the bad bits, so what is it that I really do love about the DP Fucking Machine, and that sets it apart from my other machines? Well, it’s the way the thrust rods work together to give a very unique type of sex machine double penetration. After figuring out that I couldn’t adjust this machine in the way I can the Motion Love, I kind of couldn’t see the point. The ML arrives with a double penetration vac-u-lock adaptor, so if I feel like filling both my holes, I can with that machine already, so yeah no point, is there? I was so wrong. The Motion Love is awesome, and it’s great for double penetration, but both orifices are filled together, at the same time. I love that, it’s ace, but the DP Fucking Machine offers a one-in-one-out kind of fun, and it’s fantastic. It’s a bit of a sensory overload for me at first, but I actually really love that about it. On the lower speeds, I can really savour each individual penetration, vaginal, anal, vaginal, anal, over and over again. It’s fucking bliss. Literally.
I also love getting a bit creative with my sex machines. You might not be able to adjust the angle of this machine but there’s nothing to stop you propping one end up to alter the line of thrust. You can also play around with using only one Wizard, which means the shaft rod without the Wizard will be shorter, and the dildo will penetrate more shallowly than the other one. Your favourite ways to use the DP Fucking Machine are there to be found! You can also remove a thrusting arm totally from the motor, for single penetration, or just not screw the second shaft rod on, for the same effect. As always, optional extras such as universal dildo holders or Fleshlight adaptors can be bought to add on to the DP – these are a lot of fun and open up the possibilities hugely. CK enjoys the 4-inch thrust depth of this machine with a Fleshlight, and as always, I enjoy watching 😉
It all boils down to your own personal sex machine needs. Does the DP Fucking Machine tick your boxes?
The DP Fucking Machine was sent to me for free, by sexmachines.co.uk, for an honest and unbiased review. This in no way alters my thoughts or experiences. You can check out their full range of sex machines here, and you can grab your own DP Fucking Machine by clicking this link. No affiliate links have been used in this post.