Realistic Male Doll Review
By Carnal Queen.
I know what you’re thinking, and I’ll be honest with you, I never thought I’d find myself reviewing a severed man groin on my blog either. It’s not something I’ve ever been interested in, and there’s no hiding from the fact that it’s made by Pipedream. That said though, this one caught the eye of CK, and it was something he wanted to try. To be honest with you, it’s usually me who gets to experience lots of amazing, sexy new things, so I guess it’s only fair that I indulge his curiosities every now and then. It was immediately obvious why it appealed to him, let’s face it, the threesome possibilities with this thing are pretty hard to ignore! Generally, we do use most sex toys together anyway, but there’s not really many out there that we can use simultaneously. So, I put my doubts to one side and accepted that this could be a lot of fun!
When it was delivered, the postman joked that because of the size of the box, he hadn’t been able to get anything else in his van with it. Now, Postman Pat was exaggerating the truth slightly, but it is a pretty big box! It’s covered in colour pictures of the product and a few half naked men, I guess I have seen worse, but it could be a little more subtle and tasteful. The lump of severed man groin is encased in a large polystyrene cover, and it weighs in at 14lbs – so it’s a whole stone of squishy, slightly stinky, faux body. When we took it out of the box, I guess it was perhaps a bit smaller than I’d envisaged (33cm wide, 28cm long, 11cm high), although certain parts of him are hard for you to miss, he’s a cocky fella! Once you’re lubed up, you’re pretty much good to go … he’s there, he’s ready, and he’s never going to complain of having a headache!
His 8 inch cock is plenty firm enough to allow for pleasurable penetration, but there is a fair amount of give in the material, so he can easily be squished and squeezed. He’s made from ‘realistic feel’ soft elastomer material, which unfortunately is hella porous, and this is the reason I wouldn’t normally want to be near an insertable like this. He is multi-purpose though, and I knew I could use my Traz Rhino silicone cock sleeves with it, which pacified me – Thank heavens for silicone! In use, he does actually feel pretty good, much more so than I was expecting to be honest! It feels more realistic than I’d expected, although I do find it a bit awkward at times, and find myself wishing there was a bit more of him, because there’s not really anywhere to put my hands! Putting them on the bed in front of me feels strange, because it puts the top half of my body too low, and messes with my thrust. A torso would really help me I think, they do have models with torso’s, but not this one. So, when going solo, I end up using my other half’s shoulders as a place to hold on to.
People will be wondering if it’s possible to ride him and have him being penetrated at the same time. Is it doable? Well yes, it is possible, but we found it to be awkward, and it caused more than a few laughs in the process. We were VERY close together when we did this. In real life, it works well, because the third participant is a real person, and you can move around and raise legs and hips when needed. But this dude has no legs to move, he just lies there, flat, lifeless and uncooperative! It does help matters if CK raises him up with his hands, which alters the angles to be more accessible for both of us, but he needs constant support, which is kind of, unnatural – Yes, it could be said that humping a lump of fake groin is already a very ‘unnatural’ circumstance, but you get what I mean! The scene works better for us when CK stands at the edge of the bed penetrating the ass, with me on top facing away from him, although this does mean I’m quite close to the edge of the bed, and believe me, it’s a long way to fall from up there! Whilst chatting to a friend about my bouncy adventures around the bedroom, she said “Carry On Carnal Queen” … If you’ve seen any of those slapstick films, you’ll understand my amusement. So fitting!
Sidney Bliss: ‘I don’t want much. Just to worship at your feet.’
Esme Crowfoot: ‘I’ve got better bits.’
Carry On Loving – 1970
Let’s get back to the severed man groin. His penetrable butt is ribbed inside, for added texture, and although he is relatively tight, he’s quite stretchy too. I do have to wonder how long his cavity will last though, after prolonged use. So far it’s lasting ok, but I do think it will be susceptible to tearing if used too vigorous. CK likes how he feels in use, but he did say that it’s not as tight as other ass masturbators he’s tried previously. The fact that he’s penetrating something far more realistic, does alter the experience for him. It get’s warmer and retains body heat, and he does like the kind of bounce-back feeling that it provides. He’ll only use it with a condom, because quite frankly it’d be a bloody nightmare to try and clean ejaculate from inside! In my opinion, this thing isn’t going to become your go-to toy, because it just requires too much maintenance. The material is porous, so extra care needs to be taken to ensure you clean it thoroughly after every use. Normally you’d regularly inspect anything made from this kind of material, to look for signs of deterioration – For example, black spots would indicate mold spores in the surface. You can’t visibly see inside this toy at all, so you have no idea what condition it’s in internally, which is something to bear in mind.
You get lubricant (water based for use with this product), toy cleaner and some renewer powder in the box. We’ve washed this in the bath and allowed it to completely air dry, and applied the powder, to give the toy the smooth, non sticky feel to it. So far, this has worked, but it’s one hell of a faff. It does have an unpleasant odour to it too. It’s typical of this type of material, it’s a rubbery smell. Obviously, because there’s more of it, the smell is stronger than it would be on a small stroker or masturbator. Oh, and it loves collecting fluff and hairs, a pain when you’ve got pets!
I can’t stop slapping and spanking it when it’s out, it’s just so whack-able! I guess it’ll be good for trying out new impact toys before they meet real flesh! I’m excited by the prospect of pegging practice too. We’re not quite at the pegging stage yet, but now I know I can practice on severed man groin, I’ll feel more ready and confident when the day comes!
It’s good fun, but ultimately it is an expensive bit of kit, when by it’s nature, it’s not going to last a huge amount of time (safely anyway). If the maintenance, storage and porosity issues don’t bother you, you might well like this chunk of man!
Lovehoney kindly provided this item free of charge, in exchange for an honest and unbiased review, this does not alter my thoughts or experiences in any way. If you’d like to purchase your own Pipedream Extreme Fuck Me Silly Ride On Dude, you can do so here. Affiliate links have been used in this post.