By Carnal Queen.
My love for all sex toys and adult products in general is unquestionable, it’s a passion of mine, it feels like it’s part of who I am. Even though I’ve been knocking around reviewing products on the web for a while, when I took the plunge to put my work together on my own website, I had a decision to make – Do I remain anonymous, blogging under an alias or go public?
I opted for anonymity. If the truth be told, one of the biggest reasons for that is because I’m a cowardly wimp, and I didn’t think my friends and family could deal with this ‘other’ side of me. I think they’d be shocked, some would be horrified, and no doubt I’d be inundated with questions that, quite frankly, I wouldn’t want to answer. Another reason, which is probably a very selfish one, is that this is my world, my little bubble in which to escape the shit that daily life throws at us, I wanted to keep it separate, keep things clear and uncomplicated … Was I being naive?
I try and avoid writing articles when ‘real life’ gets me down, in an attempt to stop my two lives from getting confused – if my head is fucked up, my writing tends to be too. I try to keep the lines unblurred, but I’m just kidding myself, because no matter how hard I try, the two worlds do collide. It’s PEOPLE, pure, wholesome, bloody lovely people, that make my two lives intermingle. People who other, less enlightened folk, might call strangers … Me? I’ve come to call them my friends …
On various forums, through Twitter and my blogging, I’ve ‘met’ people who have genuinely earned my respect and admiration. We talk about sex, love, toys and all manner of shit, but we also talk about life. Some are older than me, some are younger, some are going through shit at the moment, and others are happy in their lives. No matter what, we can always muster a smile, lift each others days and feel a little comfort in knowing that we’re a bunch of (possibly crazy) like-minded people in this fucked up crazy world.
It’s in realising that I’ve allowed these people to infiltrate my ‘real’ life, that’s made me question what’s actually real. My aliases, Carnal Queen, or Foxxy if you know me from forums such as Lovehoney, hide my identity, but in reality surely they’re more ‘me’ than my own name is? These new found friendships are potentially more real than the ones I experience daily face to face – that’s way up there on the crazy scale! I don’t hide my preferences from them, or my kinks, I’m not frowned upon or judged. I feel happy in my own, slightly fucked up, skin. I’m me!
Don’t ever let anybody tell you that friendships formed online aren’t real, they’re entitled to their own opinions, but they’re wrong! I talked to my other half for two whole weeks before actually meeting him, by the time I did meet him in person I’d already started to form true feelings for him, so I genuinely don’t know why this friendship revelation has hit me in the face, but it has! Sometimes, it’s easier to be yourself when you’re not stood in front of someone, baring all in one go …
If we talk, if you make me smile and lift my spirits, then thank you. We might be hundreds, or even thousands of miles apart, but if I consider you a friend, then distance is irrelevant! Shout at me, scream at me, vent all your frustration on me, that’s cool, because I know I can do the same if I need to. Friendships don’t have to be physical … and fuck anyone who thinks otherwise!
You know who you are